Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Gasgas: Have you ever questioned your sexuality?

Isang panggulat na tanong nang tumuro sa akin ang isang maliit na piraso ng bakal. (spin the bottle kuno)

It was a simple get together with friends in a private resort.

With too much alcohol clouding our ego, prejudice and inhibitions, my HS friends dared to ask from their long-reserved guts to do so.

I know there have been rumors about my sexuality.

I forgot to choose "consequence" over "truth", tang inang alak to.

"Have you ever questioned your sexuality?", a girl friend asked.

I lied. I said no.

"Kasi tol andami nagtatanong sa Facebook eh", a boy friend interrupted.

"Anu tol, Straight kb?", he continued like he was an investigator.

I said, "Straight ako ah".

Another lie. Congratulations Hot_bike for winning the "Best Liar Award"




Upon saying I'm straight as a ruler, my boy friends shouted in relief and stood up and embraced me like I won an award. Yeah right!

"Tol whew matagal ko ng gustong malaman, andami n kasi nagtatanong eh, pero buti na lang straight ka tlga"...

"Andami na talaga nagtatanong sa akin kasi alam nilang kaibigan kita", he continued while I was like shrinking down to my toes.

And then they asked if the rumors about me in relationship with a guy they only knew on Facebook is true.

"No, kaibigan ko lang yun noh", another lie.

"So straight ka nga talaga?", someone asked again.

"OO", escaped from my mouth.

"Ngayon pwede na ako manuntok kung sino man magtatanong", my friend exclaimed.

I really don't know how to react on what he exclaimed.

I am between guilt and gratitude.

F*ck, i realize i don't owe anyone an explanation about my sexuality.

Screw "spin my ass games".

:(

29 comments:

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      Delete
  2. @nimmy, thanks! *hugs* salamat ha..:)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Straight ka? Pahipo nga. Hehe. But seriously, this is tough. *huggsssies*

    Baklang bakla - hugsies ampota. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  4. WTF?!

    i have a feeling that your friends aren't str8 also

    most str8 people don't talk about other people's sexuality

    ReplyDelete
  5. Shit ang stressful. Super. I remember the time when I wasn't out yet and how I fucking hated it. Ugh.

    Guess You have to be careful sa Facebook.

    Kane

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  6. hello mr hot..
    hot ka talag..picture pa lang.hehe
    nyway, bisexual ka dvah?

    ReplyDelete
  7. That's a really tricky situation no? Hmmm. Next tactic could be asking them back why they want to know? ..... That might fire back right? Or can't you just smile next time? Na ah! How about putting them into a challenge like hawakan ng tite. Whoever gets hard first is gay. Well at least you got to hold someone's dick and that's a win situation right? Oh man. Good thing my best man friend never asked me yet.

    ReplyDelete
  8. hmmm, panu ba to..

    some of my st8 guy barkada,"kilala talga ako" but still I earn them their respect..

    kung kaibigan mong tunay, walang sexuality sexuality yan heheh :)

    pero panget talga ng confrontation na ganyan, bat di n lng hayaan hehe

    pa yakap nga.. T_T

    ReplyDelete
  9. ocngrats sa best liar award.....

    pero maganda sana kung naging honest you... wala lang... dahil kung kaibigan talaga ang turing nila sayo e kahit ano/sino ka pa man... magkakaibigan pa rin kayo....

    hehehehe... napakoment lang phowzzz.... :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. pakilala mo naman ako nga mga boy-friends mo.

    aw!

    ReplyDelete
  11. that's the same scenario when i came out to my friends last december. i thought then, screw it, and told them the truth. the good thing was that they took it well. i hope you eventually find the same liberation from coming out sometime in the future. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. life is so ironic talaga.

    Okay lang yan u have the freedom to be out or to be discreet.

    Mwahugs :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Tristan Tan, hehe, i know i'm not str8, but i am discreet on my ways infront of people. Oh xa pa-hugsssies ahahahahha

    @EWAN, huhu, who knows but my two boy friends have their own wives and children now.

    @kane, the world is really mean,i guess. I am turning 24 but yet coming out is not an option. it's hard.

    @emmanuelmateo, YES I am, they are even inviting me to dig some chicks haha but im loyal to my current BF hahah

    @Kryptonite User, wahahaha, those options u gave me would just tag me whatever they I am hahah, they are good friends nmn but I tought they would never ask those questions.

    @pongpong pagong, tama, ako i know closeted bi/gays/lesbo but i respect them. i never ask.

    @EgG, I don't want to trust them that much kasi being honest to them with my sexuality might bring me catastrophe, mahirap na, domino effect yan.

    @Eternal Wanderer, haha mga pamilyado na sila.

    @Spiral Prince, i hope preho tau ng situation, hirap nmn.

    @PluripotentNurse, hugs salamat. I choose to be discreet. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dumaan ako sa ganitong interrogation. Ang hirap lalo na kung pinoprotektahan ka ng mga kaibigan mo sa katotohanan.

    In the end sinabi ko rin sa kanila ang totoo a few years later. Nagkaroon man ng maliit na tampuhan pero nangibabaw pa rin ang samahan.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I hate being in situations like that before. I feel na kahit anong deny ko, they know the truth. na parang sarili ko na lang niloloko ko. pero ngayon, alam na nilang lahat, pag may tanong kung straight ako, sasabihin ko, hindi, kasi tomboy ako. mas mashock sila db

    ReplyDelete
  16. i told my barkada the truth. they took it well. then i heard a few months of them later that one of the girls said, "si jon (kabarkada din namin) lang ang kaya kong tanggaping bakla sa atin."

    it's tough. you don't owe anyone any explanation. and no one can blame you for lying. ano bang alam nila sa hirap na pinagdadaanan natin? but one day, you'll have to stop lying. and the more lies you've told, the harder it will be for you on that day.

    ReplyDelete
  17. @Mu[g]en, congrats for ur courage to do so. Sana matnggap din nila kung sakali lng..pero sa tingin ko,,hanggang pumuti ang uwak ako aamin lol..

    @ZaiZai , nyahah ayun pamatay ang sagot mo hahaha,swerte mo kc ur free from hiding na

    @Nishiboy, awww, oo tama they werent born like us kya ndi nila alam ang lahat. but then, this kind of lies wont kill any one, i guess?

    ReplyDelete
  18. pahipo nga,pag di pumalag si junior,str8..pag tumigas alam na,hehehehe!

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  19. awww...hirap ng situation na ganyan. hirap ng sitwasyon natin...I fell for you man!

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  20. @ram, haha depende din sa humihipo nyahaha

    @mr. G, fell or feel? naku nainlab kn? lol joke lng

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  21. Feel pala...churi po koya...pero puwede ding fell haha

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  22. kamusta na pare? hehe.. tutuka naba ulit tayo? haha.. pa hug nga.. :) ee

    ReplyDelete
  23. @mr.G, nyahahha cge khit ano na LOl

    @arvel,hugs! hehehe, cge tukaan na,pero kakahig muna tau bwahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  24. hahah nkakatawa pero pareho tayo ng sitwasyon...

    ReplyDelete
  25. @i blogged: jepoy, apir! nyahahha,, nakakatuwa noh?

    ReplyDelete
  26. sad naman.. nkakarelate din ako.. :(

    ReplyDelete
  27. minsan talaga di pa handa ang mundo kahit handa na tayo. ako 25 na pero di parin maka-out. kasi nakatira parin ako sa mga magulang ko kaya wala pa kong pede maipagmalaki sa kanila :(

    ReplyDelete